On Hallowed Ground

Entry 86

Unlike previous entries this is less about scientific discoveries and more about personal feelings I have “experienced” over the past few days in relation to my other comrades. Thankfully things are coming together better between Scorch and the rest of the party and hopefully the whole ordeal can be put behind us. Now I find that we are facing a far more superiour opponent, which has the potential to decimate not only my comrades, but the whole of Khovaire. While I find that problem to particularly troublesome, I find my thoughts drifting to another concern.

I tend to think that as intelligent beings we are capable of voicing opinions and our feelings with accurate infliction and purpose, but have found myself lacking in that department as evident of recent events. For some reason I find that Raither’s new position as King has stirred something within me….I have not found myself unsure of things or plans I set my mind to, but since this change have found myself unable feel confident about my current status with him. In addition to the insecurities I have imposed on myself, my actions were uncalled for during his coronation. I am embarrassed to think that I could act in such an irrational way, but for some reason felt it necessary to voice my thoughts.

The truth is…aside from all intellectual rationale, I feel this has to a side effect of my romantic feelings for him. If one is to be honest, I do think I love him. I have never had such feelings for one person and find myself acting irrational and more impulsive than I ever have. While the love I bear for him carries me throughout these times, I find that my actions at the coronation have created a rift between us, an ever-increasing distance as of late. This causes me immense sadness and have found myself delving more into experiments to fill that void, but to no avail. I have decided that I must tell him how I feel and hope that he can forgive my earlier behaviour so that we can move forward. With this fight coming, I cannot let the last memories be of bitter words and cold glances…

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Nika

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